Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
hero of socialist labor overcome with grief after non-birthday wish
The self-proclaimed hero of socialist labor was overcome with grief early Wednesday morning when he realized his only reader did not wish him a happy birthday. Witnesses reported that the three-piece suit clad attorney slumped into his over-stuffed leather chair and sobbed. This conduct went unnoticed due to the regularity with which this behavior is witnessed. After being asked by a disinterested but brown-nosing secretary why he was distraught, the hero replied, "its nothing". Upon being pressed, the hero decided to make up a less embarssing lie to explain his snivelling and whimpering. "It's nothing", he said. "Somebody stole my Hanson CD collection."
Meanwhile, somewhere in Illinois, or Indiana, or whatever its not-ohio, the Reader enjoyed a cup of coffee unaware of his misdeeds.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Illinois, or Indiana, or whatever its not-ohio, the Reader enjoyed a cup of coffee unaware of his misdeeds.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Eye Contact - a fine line between confident and creepy
I'm a floor starer - its true. When i walk down the hall I usually look at a spot that is rouhgly five feet in front of me and on the ground. I don't think that I have self-confidence issues. I just never know how to look at people as you approach them. What is the exact level of eye contact one should have?
If you have too little you come across as weak or arrogant depending on how you look and how hunched over you are. If you look too much, you either come across as trying to intimidate the men or a creep to women. Or vice-versa if you're a woman you come across to men as forward. So, it seems to me that there is a formula that has all the right ingredients. Eye contact for just the right amount of time, not too soon as to create uncomfortable moments, but not too late as to cause a startling moment in the eye-contactee.
Where I work, there is a very long hallway where you might see a person coming at you for at least 75 yards. At the begining you know there is very little chance that they might break left or right to go down the cubicle pergatory where engineering is located. So, then you start to worry, should I look now? or should I wait. if its one of my bosses, I've seen them all day, yet I know I should acknowledge them. So, I've developed this plan. 75 yards out I size up my quarry - Is it that woman who always looked flushed who is way too happy to see me? Is it that guy who seems to hate me for some reason? Is it the crazy janitor who always wants to talk about sports? Once I've decided who the person is, and if they are eye contact/head nod friendly, I then plan out my attack. If we have the same gate and will meet in the middle, I will look at the floor for another 15 yars. At five yards, I will act as though i notice them, and will smile gently but not too excitedly while I questionly attempt to make eye contact. If they take the bate, I lock in and give a very confident, yet masculine nod, as to say, I mutually respect you. if they return the gesture I know we're good. If not, I know that next time, I will continue to look at the floor at the 15 yard mark and act as though I'm calculating a figure in my head (even though I'm an attorney and we all know they can't add).
Over the years I've made a number of head nod friends doing this. I have no idea who they are or what area they are from, but in a week and a half it won't matter anyway. I'll have to find new head nod friends, and create a new template based on the new federal hallway length.
If you have too little you come across as weak or arrogant depending on how you look and how hunched over you are. If you look too much, you either come across as trying to intimidate the men or a creep to women. Or vice-versa if you're a woman you come across to men as forward. So, it seems to me that there is a formula that has all the right ingredients. Eye contact for just the right amount of time, not too soon as to create uncomfortable moments, but not too late as to cause a startling moment in the eye-contactee.
Where I work, there is a very long hallway where you might see a person coming at you for at least 75 yards. At the begining you know there is very little chance that they might break left or right to go down the cubicle pergatory where engineering is located. So, then you start to worry, should I look now? or should I wait. if its one of my bosses, I've seen them all day, yet I know I should acknowledge them. So, I've developed this plan. 75 yards out I size up my quarry - Is it that woman who always looked flushed who is way too happy to see me? Is it that guy who seems to hate me for some reason? Is it the crazy janitor who always wants to talk about sports? Once I've decided who the person is, and if they are eye contact/head nod friendly, I then plan out my attack. If we have the same gate and will meet in the middle, I will look at the floor for another 15 yars. At five yards, I will act as though i notice them, and will smile gently but not too excitedly while I questionly attempt to make eye contact. If they take the bate, I lock in and give a very confident, yet masculine nod, as to say, I mutually respect you. if they return the gesture I know we're good. If not, I know that next time, I will continue to look at the floor at the 15 yard mark and act as though I'm calculating a figure in my head (even though I'm an attorney and we all know they can't add).
Over the years I've made a number of head nod friends doing this. I have no idea who they are or what area they are from, but in a week and a half it won't matter anyway. I'll have to find new head nod friends, and create a new template based on the new federal hallway length.
What did you want to be when you were a kid?
When i graduated from high school I was given a folder that contained articles from every grade i attended the school (3rd - 11th). Inside were stupid letters I wrote myself which proved how dumb I really was in 8th grade (I mean, I told myself I was a stud). On second thought, I guess I was pretty smart and could see the future. Just kidding . . .but I did like a really weird girl apparently which I have no recollection of . . .perhaps she wrote it and tried to pass it off as me, so later on I would look her up. In any case, it does not matter - and if so, it did not work for her.
Ultimately I wrote what I wanted to be when I grew up. 3rd grade it was a farmer, 8th grade it was a teacher, 11th grade it was still a teacher because I knew that's what I was going college for and it made no sense to say that I wanted to be a lazy millionaire which would have been what I would have written had I been honest.
Fast forward ten years and I really have to say, I did not see this coming. No kid in school ever says, I'd like to grow up, wear a suit and tie, drive an hour and 20 minutes one way to sit in an office all day, drink coffee and try to sort through a mess of lawsuits every day. I mean, can we really expect to be happy in our employment? I'm thankful to have a job and I do the best I can while I'm there (except now, but its really slow today and so I think I can blog), but whenever my friend who works at a huge lawfirm and makes more money than most people do in this country says to me that he is dissatisfied with his job because he doesn't get enough respect, I have to just reply to him "boo hoo hoo". I mean, find your happiness outside of work. You're trading your time for money - if we could really expect to do something we absolutely love, we'd do it for free. I mean, do you make people pay you to eat pie with ice-cream? No!
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my job a lot of times, for instance, there are these guys outside my window shoveling mulch. It's around 90 degress and they're covered in mulch dust. I'm glad I'm up here. Also, my job is rewarding. Every once in a while I'm able to find caselaw that really solves an issue, or I'm to prevent some injustice. Or I deal with cases where guys poop in lunch boxes of coworkers, or drive their trucks nude to the horror of their female driving partners (i'm not saying I agree with that conduct but I mean, imagine reading that lawsuit!), or shove dead animals in other guys trucks. I mean, with that kind of stuff going on, who could be bored?
Ultimately I wrote what I wanted to be when I grew up. 3rd grade it was a farmer, 8th grade it was a teacher, 11th grade it was still a teacher because I knew that's what I was going college for and it made no sense to say that I wanted to be a lazy millionaire which would have been what I would have written had I been honest.
Fast forward ten years and I really have to say, I did not see this coming. No kid in school ever says, I'd like to grow up, wear a suit and tie, drive an hour and 20 minutes one way to sit in an office all day, drink coffee and try to sort through a mess of lawsuits every day. I mean, can we really expect to be happy in our employment? I'm thankful to have a job and I do the best I can while I'm there (except now, but its really slow today and so I think I can blog), but whenever my friend who works at a huge lawfirm and makes more money than most people do in this country says to me that he is dissatisfied with his job because he doesn't get enough respect, I have to just reply to him "boo hoo hoo". I mean, find your happiness outside of work. You're trading your time for money - if we could really expect to do something we absolutely love, we'd do it for free. I mean, do you make people pay you to eat pie with ice-cream? No!
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my job a lot of times, for instance, there are these guys outside my window shoveling mulch. It's around 90 degress and they're covered in mulch dust. I'm glad I'm up here. Also, my job is rewarding. Every once in a while I'm able to find caselaw that really solves an issue, or I'm to prevent some injustice. Or I deal with cases where guys poop in lunch boxes of coworkers, or drive their trucks nude to the horror of their female driving partners (i'm not saying I agree with that conduct but I mean, imagine reading that lawsuit!), or shove dead animals in other guys trucks. I mean, with that kind of stuff going on, who could be bored?
Flower Garden Judging . . . TODAY!
Gabi and I live in a one bedroom apartment in a small town that has a gazebo in the center. It's quaint and its quiet. I was paying 650 dollars a month for my previous apartment in Akron which was on the third floor, by the elevator and smelled like cig smoke. On top of that, I had a steady stream of ants. which was probably my own fault. At one time I had 10 pizza boxes. Needless to say, after I was sick for an entire month, I decided that it was time to clean. This may shock many of you because I'm kind of a clean freak, but I've found that I'm only a clean freak when I live with other people. When I'm alone, I'm only a clean freak when I walk out the door. Maybe I shouldn't be discussing this. Anyway, I eventually cleaned my apartment and found a bag of potatoes which were growing.
So, my point is that our new apartment is much cheaper and much nicer. The joys of living in a smaller town. When we moved in they told us that they were going to have flower contests (each apartment has a flower bed in front of it. ours is quite large). So, Gabi was pretty excited to plant some flowers in our garden. So she purchased some flowers, and grasses, etc. the first month, we weren't too good at watering consistently and it was so hot. So our plants were looking a little sad. But we gave them just enough to keep them alive and they kind of grew a little. so last week, the office manager came by and told us that judging would be happening in a week and a half. so, we really started watering the plants and taking better care of them. They exploded over night and are now looking quite good.
So, judging is today. If you win you get money off your rent and a gift certificate for like 100 bucks or something.
The apartment next to us is government subsidized. A sad result of that is that the crime rate in that apartment complex accounts for half the crime in the entire village. So, apparently some residents of our apartment complex have had their hanging baskets stolen. The apartment manager walked over to the other complex and found them hanging on some ladies porch. I mean, who steals flowers? There is also a kid over there who's father is his uncle (this is on good authority from the local PD who have dealt with this issue in the past). . . small town Ohio. :(
So, my point is that our new apartment is much cheaper and much nicer. The joys of living in a smaller town. When we moved in they told us that they were going to have flower contests (each apartment has a flower bed in front of it. ours is quite large). So, Gabi was pretty excited to plant some flowers in our garden. So she purchased some flowers, and grasses, etc. the first month, we weren't too good at watering consistently and it was so hot. So our plants were looking a little sad. But we gave them just enough to keep them alive and they kind of grew a little. so last week, the office manager came by and told us that judging would be happening in a week and a half. so, we really started watering the plants and taking better care of them. They exploded over night and are now looking quite good.
So, judging is today. If you win you get money off your rent and a gift certificate for like 100 bucks or something.
The apartment next to us is government subsidized. A sad result of that is that the crime rate in that apartment complex accounts for half the crime in the entire village. So, apparently some residents of our apartment complex have had their hanging baskets stolen. The apartment manager walked over to the other complex and found them hanging on some ladies porch. I mean, who steals flowers? There is also a kid over there who's father is his uncle (this is on good authority from the local PD who have dealt with this issue in the past). . . small town Ohio. :(
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Random Fact
We have a frog in our flower garden made out of steel who plays the bass. He is named Norman. We got him 50% off.
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